So... what happens now?

Daniel is 2 weeks and 5 days old now, and we're still getting used to him and how he works. His sleeping patterns seem to be regular, at least during the night. We usually stay awake (maybe not the best idea, but we've always been night owls) until he falls asleep between 1 and 2, then he'll wake up at 5 and want feeding. I've had bad days and good days. Good days - like yesterday - involve me smiling and cooing at him, changing him, being happy about everything he does, and being happy with Terry about Daniel and just about life in general. It has a lot to do with how close I feel to Terry on any particular day, I think. Bad days - which have happened more than not, at least over this past week - include me crying every time Daniel cries, and sometimes not even waiting for him. Getting frustrated with him when he won't feed. Getting even more frustrated when it's my turn to get up and it's cold and I just don't want to, while he screams in the moses basket next to me.
I do think that the amount of time I spend with Terry is a deciding factor in how good I feel each day. Take the day before yesterday - I stayed up from 6am onwards with Daniel, feeding him, changing him, meeting with the heath visitor and keeping him amused. I didn't hand Daniel over the minute Terry got up at 2pm (he hadn't had a lot of sleep, was grumpy and feeling ill, I thought it would be nice for him to have a lie in). He went on the computer, I didn't really have any quality time with him, he still wasn't feeling great, went to bed grumpy and miserable and of course Daniel wouldn't settle when we wanted to go to sleep which made things worse. Lots of crying that day.
Yesterday, I'd slept more as Terry only woke me up when we'd run out of formula, then later on we had snuggles in bed while Daniel was asleep. It was lovely having time for each other and it sounds selfish, but it was nice to have all of Terry's attention on me for a little bit. And nice to focus all of my attention on him, rather than can he change Daniel, or can he feed him. For an hour or so, it was just Hayley and Terry again, and it was loooooovely.
Sometimes I don't feel I can cope. He cries, I'm tired, I just want 5 minutes away from him, I can't be bothered to change him again! He seems like this little monster that I can't control but I need to take care of. I love him so much - I've never loved anything in my life as much as I love him. But it's terrifying knowing that he's depending on me, for everything. Once, when Terry was trying to soothe me during another bout of the "I can't do this, I really can't, I'm not coping, I'm a terrible mother" crying fits, he said to me, "You're his world, you're everything to him right now". I think that was the response to a new cry of "he hates me, he really hates me". But that stuck so much. It was a good as well as a bad comment I think. Yes, I AM his world - he may love me, he may be soothed by me holding him or by the sound of my voice - but he also needs me for everything and that's terrifying.
Then, other times I feel like the most amazing woman in the world. I created him, this miracle whom we love so much. He makes funny faces at silly things and it makes me laugh so much. He gazes up at me, after he's been fed but he doesn't want to go too sleep, and I know he's wondering about me like I am about him. And our amazing hugs. After a feed, sometimes, especially if I think he's got wind, I'll dance around the living room with him snuggled up to me. Terry sometimes puts music on for us. Oh, and his reaction when Terry puts music on, even when Daniel's just lying in his arms. He's getting a taste in music already! He didn't like Boyzone so much, but loved Bryan Adams. That kid's gonna go far.
I've discovered his rocking chair with a vengence. It vibrates, and that soothes him when he's bored. We found out the hard way that if he's bored and you put him in his moses basket, he'll cry until you pick him up again. Fine - but not at 5am!